CARBONDALE, Ill. — Tired wife Ruby McDermott was reportedly “not in the mood” for sexual activity this evening, instead asking her husband to just lick…
RUTLAND, Vt. — Local eco-douchebag Morgan Lence is reportedly living a completely vegan lifestyle, despite his claim to be a “total carnivore” when it comes…
DALLAS — Patients at Dallas General Hospital learned yesterday that Dr. Graham Alder, one of the facility’s most trusted surgeons, is actually a “total pussy”…
CHICAGO — Local pervert Tommy Webster was surprised to discover yesterday a band named after mannequin pussy, his favorite fetish in the world, peeved out…
BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have found a definitive link between…
Today we all know Charles Schulz as the creator of the Peanuts comic strip, a man who single-handedly touched the hearts of generations of fans,…
Listen up, cinephiles: you need to stop buying Criterion Collection movies. It’s nothing but a bunch of overpriced, pussified indie-foreign garbage. I would know, homie:…
MILWAUKEE — Thomas Hannigan, a 22-year-old with a family history of addiction and psychological disorder, is acting like a “complete baby, chickenshit buzzkill, and probably…