TONAWANDA, N.Y. — 39-year-old Kyle Lowe recently began a new and horrifying phase of his adulthood where he now almost exclusively begins any interaction by…
ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. — President Biden made an attempt to win over Gen Z voters by appearing on stage at a Frankie Valli and the…
The year 1994 was such a great year for music but an even better year for noise music. Remember when television was the greatest thing…
Remember back in 1999? George W. Bush hadn’t become president yet, 9/11 hadn’t happened and the biggest worry on everyone’s mind was something called ‘Y2K,’…
MORGANTOWN, W. Va. — Local dad and all-around asshole Bert Smilovic failed to understand criticism of his storytelling techniques which involve reducing all people to…
LAS VEGAS — Increasing demand for Ibuprofen following When We Were Young 2, a festival targeting millennials who desperately want to relive their best years,…
GUILFORD, Conn. — 36-year-old punk Finn Birch is reportedly telling everyone about the show he went to this weekend, with roughly 90 percent of his…
BEL AIR, Md. — Elder punk Cameron McClintock was recently addressed as “sir” by staff at an area Hot Topic while wearing an aged “Milo…
No nepo baby in recent memory has commanded the national attention than the looming blood clot located somewhere inside Mitch McConnell’s middle cerebral artery. The…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local motherfuckers expressed their displeasure with the lead singer of hardcore band Big Butter for repeatedly and maliciously singling them out…
SHERIDAN, Wyo. — Elder millennial Connor Allison suffered an existential crisis upon realizing the actor playing a “geriatric old fart” in one of his favorite…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Local 39-year-old Jillian Rhodes was startled this afternoon after learning that her friend from high school Jordan Hansley is now old, Rhodes’…