The incidents that signify the end of a punk’s life are varied, unpredictable, and often smelly, but there is no discharge from the scene as…
Remember back in 1999? George W. Bush hadn’t become president yet, 9/11 hadn’t happened and the biggest worry on everyone’s mind was something called ‘Y2K,’…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — 43-year-old Van Halen fan Jared “Keyz” Keaton fulfilled his lifelong dream of playing the “Jump” synth intro at every Guitar Center location…
ANAHEIM, Cali. — Local middle-aged man Shawn Hampton felt the full effects of venti Starbucks cold-brew and told friends that he felt he was at…
FAIRFAX, Va. — Local sad sack Mark Curtis unknowingly surpassed the world record for consuming the most French onion dip in a single sitting yesterday,…
PHILADELPHIA — Locally sword enthusiast, and painfully single man, Dan Gorman admits he ‘hasn’t quite cracked the code’ of online dating but remains optimistic, confirmed…
EUGENE, Ore. — A local man bun was discovered to be full of gross raisins, sources who had already made it home with the bun…
NEW BRUNSWICK, N.J. — Local Menzingers fan and all-around manchild Tim Bluth began preparations to attend the band’s anniversary shows for their 2012 release ‘On…
SPARKS, Nev. — Local man Richard Baxter stopped kissing the woman he’s been dating for two weeks to wonder if she was also bothered by…
BOCA RATON, Fla. — Local man Patrick Miller prepared an unwilling audience for a lengthy racist anecdote, assuring everyone that he and his friends’ ignorant…
MEADVILLE, Penn. — A week before his child abuse trial, local priest Justin Canthorne continues to cast himself as a “misunderstood iconoclast,” according to the…
NEW YORK — Local woman Francisca Noguera asked her abusive partner of five months if he could extend his grooming habits to include his hygiene,…