I am way too good of a friend. Despite being a total bebop jazz head, I agreed to go to the Sonic Breeze EDM Festival…
Have you ever been frustrated by the United States Postal Service because they lost a letter you mailed? Imagine if that letter miraculously showed up…
The incidents that signify the end of a punk’s life are varied, unpredictable, and often smelly, but there is no discharge from the scene as…
Looking back on my life I’ve realized that I’ve made a lot of mistakes. But these are the things you learn about yourself when storming…
Topher Klein wants other fathers-to-be to know that just because they’re not the one giving birth doesn’t mean the birth story isn’t about them. Some…
That’s a nice “Separation Sunday” shirt, but I can tell you’ve never listened to The Hold Steady the way I have. Until you’ve been banned…
I’ve been seeing my therapist, Terry, for a few months now, and overall it’s fine. I go to his office and get to complain about…
The ‘70s are back, baby, and they’re right here in my 250-square-foot apartment. I’m reliving the debauchery of the decade by masturbating to completion, taking…
Time flies. One minute you’re young and invincible with your whole life ahead, and the next you find yourself thinking “wow, what a banger” while…
Dearest Katie, It pains me to have to write you this since we’ve spent so much time together over the past few months, but alas,…
Call me old-fashioned, but I remember a time when being a gatekeeper meant something. Back in my day gatekeepers were the guards, the bouncers. As…
When my wife Sophia and I first announced our engagement, we were surprised when it was met with a muted response from friends and family.…
Since 2007, the Baconator has been a universal staple on Wendy’s menus around the world. More recently, in late 2023, the brilliant minds in the…