AUSTIN, Texas — Sleep-deprived insurrectionist Terrence Dravenstatt finally achieved a good night’s rest last night after using a modified version of the traditional insomnia cure by counting “sheeple,” according to sources close to the situation.
The 34-year-old screen printer and spoken word artist has suffered from a lack of sleep as of late, citing the “lack of free thought exhibited by society at large” as the main reason for his restlessness.
“These clones with their fancy cars and daily showers, always in a rush to get to their corporate jobs so they can pay their taxes… I just can’t deal with it anymore,” said a well-rested Dravenstatt. “And, excuse me if I don’t wanna just take a pill some pharmaceutical company tells me to take to solve my problem. I’ll just count the sheeple marching to their slow, painful deaths to escape this concrete prison of a world.”
Despite his success, Dravenstatt’s new night-time strategy frustrated several of his roommates.
“I wish he’d come up with a better way to crash,” said Franklin Smithee, a longtime housemate of Dravenstatt’s. “This shithole has paper-thin walls, and at night I hear him yelling for, like, an hour before he finally sacks out. The other night, I tried working on some tracks in my room, and now my demos have him yelling about the two party system — you can hear how ad companies are brainwashing the masses below my vocals. He’s lucky it sounds rad, because at first I was pissed.”
- Deafheaven Bassist Falls Asleep Onstage
- Government Concedes to 13-Year-Old Anarchist’s Demands
- Punk Caddy Doesn’t Give A Fuck Which Club You Use
Dravenstatt, who was told by Smithee to find somewhere else to sleep until he “got his sleep shit together,” opted for what he’d long held as a last resort: sleeping in his old bedroom at his parent’s house while still technically living with Smithee.
“Terry knows he is always welcome here,” said Florence Dravenstatt, his mother. “Usually he just comes by for some money and leaves, but last week he looked so exhausted, I told him he should stay here. He always sleeps well after I make him a big dinner. Poor guy was all tuckered out.”
Like us on Facebook and keep up with all the latest Hard Times news.