SCRANTON, Penn. — Back Alley Lounge regular Kate Garner dove from the stage last night with her gallant boyfriend, Brett Rumple, clutching onto her with all his might, shocking showgoers with his dedication to her safety.
“At first, it almost looked graceful — like they were tandem skydivers,” said Tom Shepherd, frontman of opening band Pillar Smith. “Sure, shows can be unsafe, and his instincts were to protect her, but no crowd can hold the weight of two people. They hit the ground pretty hard.”
Garner, when approached for comments, was interrupted by Rumple, who answered the questions instead.
“Sure, it was a weird thing. But would I do it again? Of course,” said Rumple, dabbing the sweat from his brow. “I gotta make sure my baby doesn’t end up being the next GoFundMe. When we’re on the edge of the pit, I always stand between it and her, like a shield. So when she headed for a stage dive, you know I had to come with. Who says chivalry is dead?”
Fellow attendee Ali Bishop was not surprised by Rumple’s behavior with Garner.
“I saw them walk in, clinched tightly together the entire time — at the door, in the pit — all because he was trying to ‘keep her safe,’” said Bishop, shaking her head. “Literally anywhere she went, he went, too. I guess he didn’t think she’d be okay alone. He had to go to the bathroom at one point, and when they went over there, he accidentally ran her into the door.”
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Despite the criticism, Rumple insisted girlfriend protection is a responsibility every man should uphold, and that this mentality is why they are “staying together forever.”
“There are dangers all over the place. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my little angel get hurt? That’s why we’re the perfect couple — because I’ll always be there for her. I know the true meaning of what a man should be,” said Rumple.
Update: Sources confirm Garner ended her relationship with Rumple immediately after the show, after he tried to protect her from a text message a male friend had sent her.
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