PHILADELPHIA — Early reports indicate that the mysterious old guy wandering around aimlessly at last night’s show is apparently a local scene legend of some kind.
The old man’s presence at the show left many people confused. “I saw this guy in super normal jeans and thought to myself, ‘Who would force their dad to come to this?’” says attendee Jana Moskowitz of the old man who was seen shouting “Best place to eat after punk rock show” into his phone between bands.
Sean Statham, lead vocalist of Life On Patrol, also expressed concern, asking whether the unnamed individual was “some dude who wandered in off the streets.” Sources confirm Statham was unaware that the man was in fact, Jack Lister, vocalist of legendary hardcore band Western Front, who was rumored to have beaten up both Glenn Danzig and the Philadelphia Chief of Police in the late 1980’s.
“Maybe he has a bracelet with an emergency contact number on it or something,” Statham said as he scrolled through his Nextdoor app to see if anyone reported a lost relative.
The once mighty Lister went unrecognized despite the ill-fitting hoodie emblazoned with “Western Front Straight Edge” on the back. Rumors surrounded Lister after he made a quick exit from the hardcore scene in the early 90’s when it was speculated he started running drugs for the powerful Russian Mafia.
But uninformed attendees were left confused as to what would lead a man of such advanced age to want to spend his Tuesday night at a local punk show featuring no established bands.
“He sort of smelled like if you were to boil leather or something, like real musty and old,” said Kelly Howland from behind the merch table. “He asked me ‘do you give senior discounts?’ and laughed to himself then walked off.”
Sources confirm that Lister stayed towards the back for most of the night until Stand Out frontman Skyler Allen announced, “This one is by Western Front, if you know the words, I want you up here with me. BUST IT!”
“I was just about to punch that old man,” Allen said after his bands set. “He kept trying to steal the mic from me. Who the fuck does he think he is anyway?”
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