New Kid Rock Album Served Between Two Fried Chicken Patties

BURBANK, Calif. — Warner Bros. Records announced an effort to boost sales of Kid Rock’s latest release yesterday by selling the hard-copy albums between two “tantalizing, all-white-meat fried chicken patties.”

The Extra Crispy LP, which marks Kid Rock’s 11th studio album and first signature sandwich, will be available this Friday at Target and Chick-fil-A locations everywhere, according to the press release.

“Using extensive market research and internet browsing data, we compiled a comprehensive report on what Kid Rock fans like,” said Warner Bros. Records CEO Cameron Strang during a Reddit AMA held yesterday. “The first thing on that list that wasn’t inherently racist was sandwiches. A quick web search showed us just what American people think a sandwich is—turns out, it’s just fried chicken, shaped in a circle. And here we are!”

Fans will choose between the “Chipotle Kick” standard release and a limited deluxe edition that includes “club sauce,” pepper jack cheese and bacon. Kid Rock himself confirmed via Twitter that the deluxe edition will also include the bonus track, “Trans Fat Jesus.”

A handful of Kid Rock fans received an early release of the album in exchange for completing a brief survey, revealing overwhelmingly positive reviews. “It’s dope as fuck!” raved Trent Burkowski, one longtime fan. “I’ve been listening to that shit before work every day to get pumped. Plus, the chicken is actually spicy—not like that pussy KFC shit!”

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The unlikely packaging is already proving successful. Data shows Extra Crispy recorded more single-day pre-sales than any album since 2005, despite warnings of explicit lyrics and alarming levels of Butylated hydroxytoluene. Strang attributes the early success to the recent shifts in the American political climate.

“You simply could not do an album like this in Obama’s America,” Strang said in an interview this morning. “I mean, like, literally. You could not do it. There were all sorts of health code restrictions and standards for what actually constituted ‘white meat chicken.’ Did you know that ketchup is technically a vitamin now?”

Article by Dan Rice @DanRiceComedy. Photo by Kyle Erf @KyleErf.

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