Minor Threat Reference Wasted on Chili’s Waitress

BUFFALO, N.Y. – Punk rocker Jimmy Dowl was “shocked and disappointed” when his Minor Threat reference was completely wasted on Melissa Lawrence, his server at a local Chili’s Bar & Grill franchise early Tuesday evening.

“I stopped in to get some fajitas, and saw they’ve got this promotion going called ‘Salad Days.’ I mean, fucking… Salad Days? That’s what they called it! How could you not say something?!” said Dowl, still visibly upset.

Witnesses report Dowl ordered a Diet Coke and mulled silently for over 20 minutes for how to best incorporate the seminal hardcore band’s lyrics into his order.

“I didn’t want to go too obscure. When she came back to the table, I just said, ‘The Salad Days was out of step with your Tex-Mex menu,’” said Dowl through stifled, exasperated laughter. “That’s funny, right? She just looked at me like I was some kind of idiot… and then asked if I wanted a salad on the side. That was painful.”

Dowl’s friends, who had joined him for dinner, were allegedly even more embarrassed by the referential failure.

“He said it and laughed so hard — I didn’t realize it was even supposed to be a joke,” said friend Angela Hunter. “I just pretended I didn’t hear it and looked down at my menu. They probably spit in our food.”

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Lawrence, for her part, had no idea she offended the patron.

“I remember that guy,” she said. “He took a really long time and finally just ordered fajitas. Bit of a weirdo if you ask me, but whatever.”

As of press time, Dowl was still reeling from the missed connection.

“You know, in my eyes… that was a pretty good joke, but she just took my order and walked away. I thought at the very least she’d look back and laugh… you know? But she didn’t. I just sat there seeing red. I wish I didn’t, but you know I resent it. My temper grows whenever I think about it,” said Dowl, who added after a brief pause, “Did you fucking get it?”

Article by Graham Isador @presgang. Photo by Dan Luberto @TheDanLuberto.

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