AUSTIN, Texas – A 25-year-old junior marketing executive was detained by immigration officials today after attempting to cross the SXSW fence illegally, reports confirm. Sources say he has been charged with transporting unlicensed brand awareness across festival lines, and put in a detention center made possible by Capital One.
“When companies send their people to this convention, they are not sending their best,” ICE Officer Gabriel Sanchez told reporters on the scene. “They’re sending interns, brand ambassadors, even social media managers — although, some I assume are good people.”
Paul’s employer, FoxxBoxx, an internet startup company which sends boxes of non-FDA approved energy drinks to customers on a monthly basis, declined to give a statement.
Despite protests, SXSW refused to release Paul, noting the scale for measuring engagement ICE had found on him proved his swag was packaged for distribution, not personal recreation.
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“We love Daniel so much, and we are here tonight to show him our support,” Paul’s mother said, surrounded by extended family gathered outside the SXSW offices to demand Daniel’s release. “He may have gotten mixed up with the wrong crowd in measuring social media engagement and thinking up brand activations, but he has a good heart. Everyone who knows him knows that.”
One source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, claimed a FoxxBoxx brand ambassador will meet with the president of SXSW to try to resolve the crisis. The source admitted, however, that “it doesn’t look good for Paul.”
“SXSW plans to deport him back to Palo Alto, which serves as a kind of sanctuary for subhuman marketing scum,” the source said. “Most who go there end up spending years trying to prove their brand allegiance. We’re hoping for the best.”
Article by The Hard Times staff @REALpunknews.
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