Historic Punk Venue Seeks Fifth Roommate

BRIDGEPORT, Conn. — Citing a rise in overhead, a decrease in pre-show ticket sales, and “that fucking poser Todd bailing on us,” famed punk venue The Depository announced it will be seeking a fifth roommate on Craigslist early this afternoon.

Considered by many to be a pillar of the New England punk scene ever since venue manager Greg Hurt’s mom left to live with her new boyfriend in 2008, The Depository’s loud, high energy shows have become something of a legend, with its living room sometimes packed with upwards of 45 people.

“We have a rotating chore calendar that’s fair to everyone,” explained Hurt in the classified ad. “Everyone gets dishes once a week. Karen collects for the bills. First and third Friday is crust punk night, so someone’s gotta work the door. Normal roommate stuff.”

The two-bedroom venue features it’s own PA, a broken mini ramp in the backyard, and coin-operated laundry facilities in the basement. “It’s not really a room per se,” admitted bartender/resident Karen Gonzales. “It’s more like a couch, but the couch is right next to this huge closet under the stairs, and that’s almost empty except for Todd’s old shit.”

“Someone not allergic to cat’s would be great!” added Drew Pitkin, resident and frontman of Depository regulars The Upper Cunts. “Rent’s a little steep, but you pretty much drink for free and the power is on a solid 60% of the time. Plus, living here has been great exposure for me and The Cunts!”

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But renting a couch in a living room that is also a late-night punk venue isn’t always “fun and games,” according to some. “Tensions can get high,” confessed promoter/basement resident Sara Kraus. “Last week I quit Drew’s band because his cat threw up on my brand new Chucks. Plus, I hated the name. But at the end of the day, you’re not just renting a couch/venue, you’re renting a family. I love these fuck faces. I even miss Todd! Don’t tell the other guys I said that.”

Tenants of the Depository are urging any prospective roommates to act quickly. “I’ll level with you — we need this living room to become financially solvent again as soon as possible,” said Hurt. “We got our first eviction notice last week. I have no idea how the process works but I’m pretty sure if you get three or four of those things it gets kinda serious.”

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Article written by Dan Rice @danricecomedyPhoto by Justin Gonyea.

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