Lead Singer Wishes the Audience Would Ask How He Is Doing for Once

BROWNSVILLE, Texas — Kevin Sigourney, lead singer of screamo band Within the Webs, stunned audience members gathered at the local Veteran’s Hall when he began berating them shortly after introducing himself to the crowd, saying he wished someone would finally ask him how he is doing, for once.

Oliver Woods was in the crowd when the whole ordeal took place.  “The whole night started off great.  Everyone was super pumped when Within the Webs got on stage and asked how Brownsville was doing. Everyone was cheering.  But the whole mood changed after he snapped back at us with ‘Oh, well I’m doing fine in case you were wondering!’” Woods explained. “We asked him what was wrong but he just darted off stage saying ‘Nothing, nothing’s wrong.’  The crowd knew something was wrong, though.  We’ve known him long enough to know that he just gets in these moods sometimes.”

With no provocation Sigourney offered the following explanation to the onstage outburst. “I’ve had it up to here!” Sigourney said while motioning to the top of his forehead with his hand. “Don’t they realize how difficult it is to travel from city to city, get up on stage in front of a bunch of strangers, and put these shows on? I do everything around here! I write all the lyrics! I sing all the songs! They just get drunk and sing along!”

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Erik Sanders and other members of the audience were quick to defend themselves when they heard Sigourney’s statements. “Oh, so Kevin thinks he does all the work in this relationship?” Sanders said while choking back tears. “We work all week doing jobs we hate so we can pay for his tickets and his vinyl and his shirts.   We sacrifice a lot of time and money so Kevin can live out his dream and this how he repays us?”

Sigourney is reportedly staying at his sister’s place until the audience can learn to appreciate who he is as a person.

Article by The Hard Times Staff. Photo by Chris Bavaria

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