Kim Jong-Un Appoints Himself New Supreme Lead Singer of Black Flag

PYONGYANG, North Korea – North Korea, the hermit kingdom that continually strives for power and respect from world leaders, shocked the western world by appointing Kim Jong-Un as the new supreme lead singer of Black Flag.

“Our most benevolent leader, whose voice shakes the mountains of the fatherland like a mighty drum, shall lead Black Flag to the delight of the North Korean people and everyone in the universe,” read an update on the official website of Democratic People’s Republic of Korea.

The rare press release also stated that “Kim Jong-Un could recite every lyric from the Black Flag from memory by the age of three.” Never before seen photos of the young leader included in the press release reveal a birthmark on his upper right arm of what looks like the iconic four bar logo.

Sources confirmed that Kim Jong-Un came into power as the new Black Flag vocalist during a recent gig in Australia. With only two songs left in the set Kim Jong-Un grabbed the microphone from former singer Mike Vallely and allegedly said, “You’re done, the New People’s Party is taking over.”

Longtime Black Flag fan Ric Westerbrook was surprised by the news, but remained optimistic. “Fuck it, I mean whatever. I will give the guy a shot. Honestly it can’t be worse than it is now,” said Westerbrook.

Related: Christmas Ruined By Latest Black Flag Album

But other fans aren’t taking to the new singer so well. The legendary hardcore band hasn’t received this much concerted backlash from fans across the world since they released the cover artwork from their latest album. Dennis Rodman, the flamboyant ex-professional basketball player and unlikely friend of Kim Jong-Un responded to the negative criticism by saying, “He loves Black Flag, and I say that America loves Black Flag, let’s start there.”

This new, and presumably final incarnation of Black Flag will perform all of the classics, with Kim Jong-Un contributing his own take on the songs. Comprising their new set list will be songs such as “My War (with South Korea)”, “Who’s got the 10 ½ (Kim Jong-Un)” and “In My Head (the virtuous words of the most exalted leader of the most prosperous nation, Kim Jong-Un)”.

Written by Jeff Cardello.

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