MIAMI — Proto-punk legend Iggy Pop held a press conference early this morning to announce he is “too old to keep going by ‘Iggy,’” asking to be addressed by his more age-appropriate birth name, “Iguana.”
Mr. Pop, standing shirtless at a podium, addressed a crowd of eager, aging punk fans.
“I know you didn’t expect me to live this long,” said the legally-named Iguana Pop. “Fuck, man… I’ll be honest, I didn’t either. But I’m here, and I’m almost 70, and it’s time to start acting like it.”
Pop quieted the anxious crowd before continuing. “Let me be clear: I’m not going to stop making music, or start wearing shirts, or anything stupid like that,” he said. “I’m not going to stop smearing peanut butter all over myself onstage; the potassium is good for my blood pressure. I’m just retiring the nickname ‘Iggy.’ Please call me my full name — Iguana Ignificus Pop.”
Most attendees of the press conference supported Pop’s decision.
“Look, we’ve all met that old roadie who still calls himself ‘Jimmy,’ or ‘Sammy,’ or whatever,” said Keith Johns, 38. “You know… that guy who goes bald AND for some reason grows a ponytail. Iguana clearly doesn’t want to be one of those sad dudes. He’s accepting his age, and it’s great.”
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“Sometimes, you choose a stage name when you’re young, and you get stuck with it,” said fellow singer-songwriter John Mellencamp from his Indiana home. “People called me ‘Johnny Cougar’ for a long time, but thankfully, I was able to drop that. Most fans don’t remember that era.”
“Iguana is doing the right thing,” Mellencamp added. “I’m just surprised he didn’t do it earlier.”
However, to Pop’s dismay, some critics decried the change.
“Iguana is an old man’s name,” said Timmy Hoda, 57, locking up his BMX bike. “Are The Stooges going to change their name The Gentlemen, now, too? Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m late for a slot car racing tournament.”
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