SEATTLE – An integral member of the local goth scene caused an uproar when it was discovered she was using the Incognito Mode on her…
SANDUSKY, Ohio — Cedar Point amusement park guests observed Cure frontman Robert Smith exiting the Millenium Force roller coaster with a head of hair that…
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold move to counteract rumors of the President’s declining physical prowess, the Biden campaign is set to release an awe-inspiring…
COWARD, S.C. — Touring goth band Need Help Again With Ghoul, reportedly changed their entire world perspective of gloomy unenthusiasm after enjoying some fun in…
SAN DIEGO — The Nine Inch Nails merch table was once again sold out of medium-sized mesh tank tops within 25 minutes of doors opening,…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Eric Halverson was relieved to see his new goth girlfriend and his conservative father bond over their shared love of…
DETROIT – Robert Smith, founder and only original member of The Cure, announced dates for an upcoming North American Tour that will also coincide with…
TRENTON, N.J. — Local goth Alex Stemens enthusiastically fist pumped a nearby hearse in hopes they would blow their giant air horn, several chalky white-faced…
EUGENE, Ore. – A shocking new study from the University of Oregon revealed that 84% of individuals born in America after 1998 have never been…
CRAWLEY, West Sussex — Goth rock giants the Cure reissued their seminal 1989 album “Disintegration” in a deluxe box set complete with bonus outtakes, live…
PORTLAND, Ore. – Goth and frequent cemetery visitor Madison Gardiner had her day ruined by a “comically loud” grieving family saying a last farewell to…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Sullen members of goth-rock band Vacant Belfry are reportedly embarrassed with their new guitarist’s proclivity for perpetually donning a big floppy…
MINNEAPOLIS — Local goth Matilda Flowers spent the afternoon wistfully staring at a pair of crows eating a pile of Funyuns next to a dumpster…
LOS ANGELES — Representatives from Neutrogena announced they finally perfected a formula strong enough to be certified as “Goth-Strength” by the FDA just in time…
LOS ANGELES — A new clothing line known as Claw promotes itself as the first luxury brand specifically tailored for the goth market and sells…