Every Straight Edge Band Seeking Drummer

USA — Straight edge hardcore is currently on hold while every edge band looks for a new drummer. The last two straight edge drummers were recently hospitalized for exhaustion, leaving every edge band in existence to seek a replacement.

Experts say the addition of a single decent straight edge drummer could cause multiple metropolitan areas to experience a rapid increase in the number of active edge bands.

“We’ve got the intro, the t-shirts with “straight edge” on the back – now if we could just get a drummer who plays in less than 45 bands, we’d be good to go,” Mark Brady, bass player of straight edge band CrystalxVision, said.

Related: Straight Edge Man Involuntarily Following “Don’t Fuck” Rule

Every straight edge band ever has posted a message on hardcore/punk message boards all over the Internet:

“Drummer needed for every band. Must be straight edge. Must have own equipment. Influences include and are limited to Minor Threat. No prior drumming experience necessary,” the message reads.

Article by The Hard Times Staff @REALpunknews. Photo by Todd Pollock.

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