Drama-Filled Break-Up Letter Most Entertaining Thing Band Has Ever Released

LAWRENCE, Kan. – The latest offering from Kansas City hardcore band The Hold Up, an open letter entitled An Announcement About Our Future, has quickly surpassed the entertainment quality of any music the band has put out, according to fans and critics alike.

“It was a neat choice, announcing their breakup through a series of Facebook statuses,” said local hardcore fan Dustin Smith. “Releasing a new statement every day by different band members made me much more interested in them than their songs ever did.”

The first statement, immensely more popular than anything the band ever created as a cohesive unit, opened with lead singer Nick Corner emphasizing “creative differences” before immediately heading into the “betrayal of trust” committed by lead guitarist Izzy Frankfort for “defiling the only person I’ve ever truly loved.”

“Following this band is like following a soap opera,” said local venue owner Mark Currie. “I think this is the first time they put any real emotion into anything they released.”

Some of the expletive-laced posts were deleted within minutes after appearing online and are only available through screenshots, making them more valuable to collectors than any pressing of the band’s vinyl records.

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“(The Hold Up) used to be so formulaic in promoting their releases,” commented local music critic Jenna Jerwers. “But they really broke the mold by meeting in a bar a day before the release and starting a brawl so epic that police from four jurisdictions were called in to break it up.”

Furthering the success of their artistic choice, the band allowed others to comment on their posts to take sides in their fight.

“I just want to remind everyone that [the drummer] started all of this when he tried to use the cash we put down for T-shirts to buy a bass drum head with the band name misspelled,” said one anonymous commenter.

Sources close to the band speculate that if The Hold Up had received this much attention before the breakup, they may have not broken up in the first place.

Article by Tom Gannon @TheTomGannon.

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