Bill Clinton Campaign Schedule Suspiciously Similar to Mighty Mighty Bosstones Fall Tour Dates

ORLANDO, Fla. – Yet another scandal has hit the Clinton campaign, with investigators linking former President Bill Clinton’s appearance schedule to the tour dates of third-wave ska band the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, prompting outrage from the conservative right and those with refined musical taste.

“The evidence is hard to ignore,” political analyst Alana Greenbaum said. “Every single campaign stop Hillary’s husband has done for the last three months has been within an hour drive of a performance by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.”

The Bosstones remain one of the most well-known still-touring ska bands after coming to prominence during Clinton’s second term with their song “The Impression That I Get.”

“Even his appearance at the first presidential debate, some argue, may have only been possible due to a Brooklyn concert the day before — many at the show say they saw an elderly man skanking furiously in a porkpie hat, checkered sunglasses, and a Gore/Lieberman 2000 sweatshirt,” Greenbaum said. “My friend Terry was at the show and said the Secret Service were real assholes.”

“These allegations against me are ridiculous,” said a calm Bill Clinton. “Why in the world would I want to avoid watching my wife justify her viability as an alternative to an unqualified, unhinged maniac, and instead escape to the sweet sounds of a band that hit their peak in 1997, the ‘Summer of Ska,’ the same time I was hitting my peak as the leader of the free world? C’mon, now.”

He added that it was a “complete coincidence” that he was in town for a rally at the same time the Mighty Mighty Bosstones were booked at the Orlando House of Blues.

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Opponents of Hillary Clinton’s campaign were quick to capitalize on the scandal. “This is disgraceful,” said Newt Gingrich, a top ally of Donald Trump. “Think about the example he’s setting for our children. Do we really want someone in the White House condoning third-wave ska? Anything past Operation Ivy is indefensible.”

In the face of the attack, the former President remains vigilant. “I am fully committed to my wife’s campaign,” Clinton said. “And she can always trust a commitment from me.”

Article by Kyle Erf @KyleErf. Photo by Senny Mau @SimplySenny.

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