It’s Time to Have a Conversation About How Lonely I Am

Clothing is thrown carelessly about the room, the floor is littered with empty DVD cases, and every conceivable furniture surface is covered with empty bottles and takeout containers; these sights have become so normalized in my studio apartment that we, as a society, hardly even consciously notice them anymore.

Change needs to start somewhere and it needs to start now. The time has come for a transparent, inclusive, and wide-ranging dialogue about how lonely I am.

Let’s be clear: I am fucking lonely.

Three nights ago I received a call from a telemarketer and spent 45 minutes trying to gear the conversation toward David Tennant’s era of Doctor Who before being hung up on. White America did nothing.

I have taken to watching DVDs I’ve already seen dozens of times with the commentary track on so that I can pretend I’m watching with friends. This has so far been completely blacked out by the mainstream media.

According to an analysis of my web browsing, my most frequent search term on pornographic websites is, “someone nice.”

Of course mainstream society is fully equipped with a nuclear grade arsenal of excuses when it comes to not taking accountability for my loneliness. Ask me, I’ve heard them all.

“Hey, everybody gets lonely sometimes!”

“Well sure, your loneliness is a problem in our society, but what can I do about it?”

“Who are you?”

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And other such ignorant rhetoric. Check your friendship privilege before you go saying, “everyone gets lonely” in a conversation about my loneliness. Sure, it may be true to some degree that everyone does FEEL lonely from time to time, but has everyone had a cat move out on them? No. I have.

Twice.

What can you do about it? TALK about it! Get the dialogue going. Ask your parents what their take on my loneliness is. Ask your spouse and your hairdresser and your tailor. Talk to your children about it, contextualize it so that they can understand! Just don’t come over. The place is a real mess right now.

Plus I hate people.

Are we doing enough as a society to help fight your loneliness? Let us know in the comments below!

Fuck friends. Buy this shirt instead!

Article by Dan Rice: @DanRiceComedy

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