My name is Lucas Peterson and I am the chosen one.
No, I’m not some prophet or anything like that. But, I am the luckiest man alive, because this mega-babe just made a Facebook 20 minutes ago and I’m her only friend. She wants me, and me alone.
I am so in.
Her name is Vanessa. She just made an account, immediately changed her profile picture three times, and bam! Now she’s all mine. Best of all? She has made it very clear in her ‘about me’ section that she is, “LOOKING 2 FUCK 2NITE.” I know, right? Be jealous. This is the score of the century.
No mutual friends, no friends in general, no baggage! It’s like my angel was sent to me from the heavens. I don’t even think she has family. Her cover photo is the same as her profile picture. And why wouldn’t it be? She looks HOT in it.
Related: Fake News Must Be Stopped Unless It Supports My Wildly Inaccurate and Misinformed Beliefs
I don’t know what I did to deserve this but I’m not taking it for granted. I’ve been messaging her all day, sending her my most intimate secrets and even all my passwords, banking info, and social security number like she asked. We’re going to be webcam chating any minute here and you know what that means … TITTIES!
I took a five minute break from smooth talking Vanessa to check Twitter and there’s even more sexy women looking to hook me up with me!
Get in line, ladies.
Anyway, I need to go send Vanessa some money so she can buy a plane ticket and we can finally meet in person. 2017 is off to a great start!
Have you ever had a ridiculously attractive girl make a Facebook account and immediately add you and nobody else? Let us know in the comments and tag them!