Every so often I’ll see one of these articles where a woman talks about how people say bad stuff to them online. At first I was like, “umm it’s the internet, not real life. BE COOL.” But then I thought that maybe I should see for myself. Plus, this blog will pay me $30 for this kind of hard-hitting journalism so what the hell, right?
I really wanted to seem like a real woman, not some obvious stock photo people could reverse google. So I did all my own makeup from Youtube tutorials and had a fun little photoshoot to get a sweet profile pic. I’M LOOKING GOOD! I made myself a twitter profile and used the name @butterflysugerbaby311. I said I lived in Laguna Beach and my bio said, “Just a gal following her bliss.” I was off to the races as a girl online.
I used my fake lady account to tweet mean things at celebrities. That’s a thing I do with my regular twitter account whenever I get bored so I figured I would see how it’s different as a chick. I tweeted “@emmastone u l00k3d stupid at the oscars lol.” Usually this only gets a few favs and I move on to tweeting at Neil deGrasse Tyson about how his ass is the real black hole. But before I could @butterflysugarbaby311 got a lot of replies from strangers!
@magacuckboy4lyfe said: “U ARE A SNOWFLAKE BITCH WHO SHOULD DIE BITCH!
@pepe15club said: u make me want a gun
@fiddleronthestoop said: UR 2 UGLY 2 RAPE
WILD STUFF RIGHT?! Here’s the thing though … these guys are JUST MESSING AROUND! As someone who has harassed females on the Internet and who is now being harassed as a female on the Internet, I can tell these guys don’t really mean this stuff they’re saying. They’re just joshing! If you asked any chick to do this kind of article they’d just be like, “I feel threatened!” That’s some bullshit. I didn’t feel threatened at all. Even though it did kind of hurt my feelings when one dude said I looked like Miss Piggy, not cool. Anyways, It’s JUST THE INTERNET! It’s only the place where literally everyone goes all day everyday to do their jobs, errands, hobbies, and thousands of other things! Lighten up sweetie, LOL.
So, I just started talking so much hard trash on these dweebs, but like, from a female perspective. I sent them SO MANY PICTURES OF MICROPENISES! They totally freaked. Babes don’t know the power of micropenises! Honestly it’s pretty fun being a chick online, and I got a lot of intriguing messages I plan on following up on from some bros who liked my pics.
After my time as a lady online I can tell you this, ladies. Just remember the 3 C’s of being online: Chill Out, Crying is not Allowed, & Come On It’s Not Real Life!
Let us know if you agree with my findings in the comments below!
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