5 Septum Rings That’ll Make Your Mom Say, “You Used to Be So Pretty”

Body modifications have long been a part of punk culture. From the safety pin piercings of the early days, to the multi-million dollar tattoo industry of today, there’s no escaping body mods in the punk world. These days, the septum piercing has become a status symbol amongst millennial girls. From goth, to rockabilly, to YouTube beauty blogger, these five septum rings are sure to make you look cool and sure to make your mom say, “Where did I go wrong?”

This circular barbell style features sturdy construction and conveys a strong aversion to authority. The heavy gauge will make you stand out in a crowd of posers and inspire your mom to ask you, “How did you get that big thing in there? What about some day when you want to get a real job, can you take it out? Oh dear, and these big holes you put in your ears, will they ever go back to normal? You used to have the cutest little earlobes. Your grandma left you the loveliest pair of pearl earrings. What a waste they are now. Maybe if I ever get grandchildren they could wear them.”

This gold-plated dangle-style septum clicker is perfect for coffee dates, Instagram photos, and inciting your mom to ask, “Why would you do that to your beautiful face? You looked so nice in your senior photos, why would you want to ruin it by putting that scrap metal in there? How will you ever find a husband now?”

An understated stainless steel number is ideal for day to day wear, but just enough to make your mom say, “Grandma and Aunt Judy are coming next month, can you please take that thing out when they’re here? I just want to get one nice picture of the family where you don’t look like some sort of street person.”

Related: Hey You, Crowd Killing. Get Your Dick Inside Me. Now.

An oversized sunburst style won’t distract your mom from noticing your partially shaved head and asking, “Why would you want to do that? It makes you look like a mental patient. You know, in my day girls wanted to make themselves look pretty. I just don’t understand you.”

This ornate gold clicker will actually be the least of your mom’s concerns when she finally gets a glimpse of all the hastily chosen Sailor Jerry style tattoos covering your arms.

Does your mom just not get it? Let us know in the comments below!

Looking for more ways to disappoint mom? Buy a Hard Times shirt!


Article by Courtney Baka @CourtneyBaka


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