As someone who considers themselves to be an evolved being, I am well aware that social media addiction is a real problem. I’ve posted about it on Facebook and even blogged about it a few times. But recently I decided to take my crusade against cell phone slavery one step further.
I decided to actually UNPLUG.
Here is what my 35 minute hiatus from social media taught me about myself:
You Can Just Breath
Just take a nice, deep breath in. Hold it. Breath out. You are here. You are alive. There, that probably killed a solid minute.
Live in the moment
It’s sort of hot in this coffee shop and I bet I’m the only one who notices! Oh, you poor, poor sheeple.
I Can Eat Whatever I Want!
Now that I am no longer obliged to share photos of every meal there’s nobody to judge what I eat. I haven’t had just a granola bar in 6 years!
I’m Not a Huge Fan of People in Person
Have you ever looked one of these people in the eye? It’s horrifying! I wish I could give people the opposite of a like. Where’s that feature, Zuckerberg? He runs IRL socialization too, right?
I Don’t Actually Know How To Meditate
It’s like sleeping while you’re awake? Isn’t that like, dumb?
Books are the absolute worst
It’s like, one giant post. It just goes on and on and the paper feels all weird and they smell. Sorry Charles Dickens, TL:DR.
It’s only been 10 fucking minutes!?
I Categorically Do Not Enjoy My Own Thoughts
I mean, what’s the point of anything? We have no purpose. We are literally alone in the universe. The entire basis of life is just a biological instinct to survive and reproduce.
I’m Already Forgetting Details Of Beyoncé’s Face
There is definitely no such thing as love, you guys.
Horatio Sanz Retweeted Me Once
That was a good day. I enjoy the sense of purpose social media gives me.
There is no way to know if a mass shooting is happening near me right now
This is insane! I’m going back in, it’s too dangerous off the grid!
I hope you enjoyed the recap of my analog odyssey. If you’d like to read more, I live tweeted the entire experience.
Get off the internet and do something REAL like buying a Hard Times shirt from our digital merch table:
Article by Dan Rice @danricecomedy
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