All Female ‘Lord of the Flies’ Remake Somehow Still Fails Bechdel Test

LOS ANGELES — A leaked script of the just announced The Lord Of The Flies reboot revealed that, despite starring exclusively women, it still managed to not pass the Bechdel Test.

“We really made sure to keep it authentic and tap into what a group of girls stranded on an island would talk about,” commented Producer Josh Aperton, who made the call early on to hire a team of male writers. “Which is, of course, just the different boys they have crushes on.”

One of the most substantial changes made for the female remake is that the group is now a college class, so all the women are in their 20’s—as opposed to the original, which centered around children. This was stressed several times by all of the men involved, before describing a few of the other alterations.

“As male feminists, we thought it was necessary to give these females we were writing more agency. Which is why some of them wear bikinis and others are just straight up nude,” Aperton mentioned. “It’s an extremely progressive film.”

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Critics who were given advance copies of the script were confused and disappointed by the remake.

“How did they go 90 minutes without developing any backstories, discussing survival methods, how they got there, how they plan to escape the island or establish a society?” critic Ashley Merritt wondered. “There is one male character who shows up 88 minutes into the film and he gets more backstory than anyone else. None of the other characters even have names, they are just differentiated by the different color bikinis they wear.”

In response to the criticism, the producers released a statement saying not to worry because they plan to have noted feminist Joss Whedon direct the upcoming film.

Article by Louie Aronowitz @louiearonowitz

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