Leech-Covered Conor McGregor Begins Cut to 145

A leech-covered Conor McGregor was spotted at a recent UFC press event, leading many fans to believe he will be returning to the 145-pound weight division in the near future.

McGregor addressed the media directly when asked about the bloodsucking parasites currently latched onto his body.

“Everyone’s been talking about how I’m done at Featherweight,” said a languid McGregor. “I’m gonna do what I always do and show everyone why this is the McGregor show. All it takes is a little work and a handful of leeches.”

McGregor has managed to fight in three weight classes, attaining a championship title at both Featherweight and Lightweight. Since Conor’s last appearance at Featherweight over a year ago, many have questioned whether or not his body will allow him to return to 145.

“Everyone’s so worried about this and that,” said a depleted McGregor. “What they really need to worry about is how they’re gonna handle me. This weight is nothing. Once I get rid of two to three pints of blood, I’m good. Everyone running their mouth, talking about how much blood they have. I’m changing the game – and i’m doing it with barely a drop in my veins.”

UFC consultant physician Dr. Greg Hsu was less than supportive of McGregor’s unique approach to cutting weight.

“That is, without a doubt, the worst thing I have ever heard in my life,” said a clearly mortified Hsu. “I’ve heard of leeches being used to treat skin grafts, but jesus — for a weight cut? I can’t wrap my head around that. But hey, let’s be honest: he’s Conor McGregor. I’m sure he has some sort of blood coach working with him; so, in my medical opinion, I wouldn’t be too concerned.”

While we wait on an official date for his return, we asked McGregor how he plans to compensate for his lack of important and essential blood.

“I don’t need to compensate for nothing. I say it all the time – precision beats power, timing beats speed, five to six pints of blood beats the human average of ten.”

Photo by Colyn Emery.


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