WALLA WALLA, Wash. — Independent record shop Columbia Flophouse somberly announced the business’s going-out-of-business sale nearly two full weeks before the store was scheduled to…
FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the Great upon reaching the last…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students…
LOS ANGELES — Crust punk Tim “Ransom” Rollins has reportedly started acting annoyingly sanctimonious ever since he moved into an abandoned Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, friends…
SEDONA, Ariz. — A fledgling lullaby composer was wracked with anxiety at a recent sold-out performance of his work when his melodies failed by leaving…
ANAHEIM, Calif. – Disney Adult and self-proclaimed “TikTok Foodie” Trisha McCormick knows where to get the best $45 chicken tenders at the price-gouging theme park,…
BOSTON — The Solar Eclipse, expected to be visible later today, admitted he got super hard just thinking about how many people would be staring…
LOS ANGELES — Local skater Chris Poole was left shocked today after he jokingly called a baby wearing a Thrasher shirt a ‘poser,’ only to…
NEW YORK — Journalist Cherie Estrada is finally willing to compromise her dream of covering wars from the frontlines and settle for writing weekly recaps…
PHILADELPHIA — Local dad Ken Schmidt reportedly spent the majority of a father-son trip to WrestleMania 40 commenting on the poor craftsmanship of the ringside…
NEW YORK — City officials are warning area residents to stay indoors for fear they might get stuck in a never-ending chit-chat loop following a…
LOS ANGELES — Executives at BetterHelp, an online resource for counseling and therapy, announced that their sessions will be made cheaper with the introduction of…
WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden is reportedly fuming after Israel’s military killed seven aid workers and said he will no longer kiss every bomb and…
HOBOKEN, N.J. – WWE fan and local embarrassment, Connor Duncan, reportedly made preparations to save his liver during WrestleMania this weekend by pre-booking an emergency…
Romantic: Woman Falls in Love After Random Old Man Comments “Beautiful Very So Lovely Girl Hello” on Instagram Post
NEW YORK — Local woman Julie Oliha found her true love when a random old man commented “Beautiful Very So Lovely Girl Hello” on a…