Mid-Twenties Hardcore Fan Enters His “Liking Hockey” Phase

BOSTON – With the NHL Playoffs heating up, one young man has come to the realization that he is ready to enter the “liking hockey” phase of his life.

Jared Mahoney, a self described “hardcore kid”, made the discovery during a recent series between the Calgary Flames and Vancouver Canucks. “I was getting drunk with my dad at his apartment while he was watching the game, and these players just started fighting like wild dogs. That’s when I knew this game was for me,” Mahoney said.

While hockey is the sixth most popular sport in the United States, it is quickly becoming the sport of choice during the football off-season for hardcore music fans. Some experts even predict it could rise to the second most popular among hardcore fans during years without the World Cup.

Although Mahoney has watched less than two hours of hockey in his life, it has not stopped him from forming strict, unflinching opinions about his newly-adopted favorite sports team.

Related: 14-Year-Old Unclear if He Is Allowed to Like Sports

“My Bruins might not be in the running for the cup this year, but I am confident we will be back next year better than ever,” Mahoney said. “All we need to do is draft a guy that can get the puck in the net – not like these other washed up bums that aren’t even fit to skate on my uncle’s cranberry bogs.”

While Mahoney continually expresses his love for the sport, he does have some criticisms.

“Sometimes I think the refs need to just back off and let the guys fight. Also, the puck is hard for me to see a lot of the time, I sort of wish it was highlighted on the screen like it was when I was a kid,” Mahoney said.

Article by The Hard Times Staff. Photo by Bostonian Barber Shop.

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