Local Teen Trims Pubes Before Every Show “Just In Case”

PEORIA, Ill. – Music fan Chase Fuller, 17, revealed to The Hard Times that he trims his pubes before every show “just in case some shit goes down”.

Fuller said that he’s been to hundreds of hardcore shows, where he’s seen up to 10 girls in attendance. He decided that he was going to save up his allowance money and spend it on a nice pair of clippers.

“Not for my head, if you know what I mean,” Fuller said, erupting into a fit of nervous laughter.

The teen has bragged to friends that it is the best $19 he’s ever spent.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m expecting to get laid every time I go see a band play, but you just never know,” Fuller said. “Like, I was at a Terror show at The East Peoria Legion Hall and I’m pretty sure I touched a girl’s butt.”

While Fuller concedes that the butt he touched may have just belong to a metalhead with an ample bottom, he hasn’t given up hope on “scoring with a babe one day” – and he’s going to make damn sure that when he does, she’s treated to a nice view.

“Plus, as a bonus, it will basically make it look bigger,” Fuller said of his grooming choice.

Related: Pizza-Faced Straight Edge Teen Doesn’t Need Your Acne Drugs

“He’s a nice boy and he deserves a good girl who will appreciate his brilliant mind, kind heart and well-manicured pubic region,” the teen’s mother, Doris Fuller said. “I don’t know about all this shaving, though. It seems a little dangerous.”

Fuller is remaining tight-lipped, but positive, about his manicuring style.

“I’m not going into detail, but it looks proper down there,” Fuller said. “Let’s just say that I’d rather look like Tim Armstrong’s head than Mike Judge’s beard, if you know what I mean.”

At press time, Fuller is still a virgin.

Article by Josh Fernandez. Photo by Darnok

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