BREAKING: 3 Men in Brooklyn Charged with Ironically Joining ISIS

BROOKLYN —  A group of three NYU film students were arrested and charged with ironic treason by federal authorities Wednesday. The trio allegedly saw that ISIS was blowing up on Twitter and joined the terrorist group shortly after.

Andy Malone, one of the accused Jihipsters, said he thought the FBI was just mad that he thought of it first.

“Look, I just do some video editing work, it’s not like I’m the one holding the sword,” Malone said. “I mean yeah, whatever, I guess technically I’m a terrorist now – but I’m not weird about it.”

Malone sings in the D-beat band Displaced with cohorts Sam Porter and Jeremy Benson, who play bass and drums, respectively, and also face charges of ironic treason. According to a Facebook post made by the last Displaced member on U.S. soil, the group is now on indefinite hiatus without trial.

“They think putting us new recruits in Gitmo is going to make a difference?,” Porter said before his eyes went cold and he entered a trance-like state, continuing, “Everyone knows if you want to kill the snake, you have to cut off it’s head.”

According to a federal agent who spoke on the condition of anonymity, a major break in the case came when the FBI obtained phone recordings with the three new recruits ridiculing AL-Qaeda members for being “played out.” After that, the FBI agents used GPS tagging on various Instagram pictures posted by Jihipsters under the hastag #ISIScrew to triangulate the group’s location at a Williamsburg bar called Rocka Rolla, where they were immediately taken into custody.

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“Typical war on terror, Patriot Act bullshit in my opinion. I saw a documentary about it. Drones and shit,” Benson said, as a man in all black military gear put a bag over his head, adding, “Plus, we had beards way before those ISIS guys ever did.”

Article by The Hard Times Staff. Photo by IronCurtaiNYC.

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